TFI Friday

What was that Chris Evans programme on the telly? TFI Friday? I assume that stood for "Thank **** it's Friday" - that was certainly the implication (it was on Channel 4 after all). Well, wherever you are in the world, Friday is Friday which - for most people - means the start of the weekend and a break from work. Unless you work in a bar, restaurant or shop of course, in which case it's gonna get REALLY busy with bastards who don't have to work weekends!! Life's a bitch (and then you die)...

 

Anyway, we've a bit of a routine over here on a Friday night. We walk into the next part of town (walking is a fair substitute for going to the gym in my book - I soon gave that up because I couldn't tell the difference within a week) where the dodgy 'fake' market is, and my fave DVD shop (£1 each). So we go in the dvd shop until the boys get bored, at which point they leave and go to the bar - I follow them later and bore them to death describing why I bought each dvd - eg 'A river runs through it' ("At the very end, when the narrator sums up the story about how all the character's lives have chaged and says "i....and in the end, everything in life merges together as one.....and a river runs through it...." - makes my spine tingle" - Answer from the boys (now half pissed) - "so you'll watch a film for 2 hour just to hear that?". Problem is, this week I bought 7 so they were ready to batter me by the time I'd talked about each one, production values, directors, lighting and assorted "stunning scenes" and "awesome dialog"....

 

Anyway, by this time, my yound friend's attentions are focussed elsewhere - beer (huge amounts) and women (in their dreams, huge amounts) although even I can see thet both are available 'on tap'. However, my ability to consume the former is limited (especially if I want to get home without falling in the river) and although I have a very healthy interest in the latter, I am married and actually a very good boy. So, at this point I leave them to it, a gesture for which I think they are very grateful.

 

This week, we were joined by a new member of the team. He's Australian, so I instantly gave him the nickname 'Skippy' although my pal felt 'Tosser' was a better name - he is quite irritating, I have to admit. He's an expert on EVERYTHING. To be more direct, he's a boring bastard, and his only redeeming value is that although he's younger than me, he looks older. But he refused to take the hint and leave with me and leave the kids to it, saying "I aint past it" - I pointed out that he'd spent the last half hour telling us about a MBA bar ('married but available') and whilst I coud fully appreciate the uncomplicated service offer of the establishment, I argued it was also a bit sad & grubby. So I went home to watch "Bridge on the river Kwai", and the rest ofthem heading for a nightclub that sounded absolutely GHASTLY. There was a rap band on (the only thing that's worse is reggae) and, as my younger chum told me the next day,  "THE PLACE WAS ROCKING!!". Skippy apparently said "Jeez - this is a shithole!" My young chums (including 2 Germans, nicknamed Ichy & Scratchy) were delighted and suggested "If you run, you'll catch the old man" - so Skippy came bouncing after me like a bloody kangaroo shouting "Hold on mate, I'm with ya!" - and suddenly, diving in the river seemed like a good option.

 

Anyway, next day at 10.30am, my pal sent me a text - "She's just gone! What a night!" - and we met for a coffee (tea for me - shit milk) and he told me all about it, jut before Wolfgang and Hermann turned up claiming gold medals, too. After a discussion about who did what and how many times, and I pointed out they were getting as boring as me going on about sequels and original music scores and Steven Spielberg's obsession with John Williams. To be fair, I privately admit there isn't really much comparison, but I have to defend myself, particularly with the bloody Germans. I told them about my thrilling evening with Skippyth bastard bush kangaroo and him inviting himself back to my apartment "Jeez - my TV's bigger than yours and my bathroom has got a bidet in it!" (I wonder why?) and him talking all the way through the film (we watched 'Super 8' in the end - overrated and formulaeic!) and eating all my bloody biscuits.

 

But the boys decided I'm good luck, and so each Friday, we should have the same routine (but asked if them sticking it out with me in the DVD shop could be cut down to just 30 minutes) and me being lumbered wih Skippy is like "taking one for the team". Let me think about this....they sacrifice 30 minutes in a DVD shop with me knowing they'll enjoy the rest of the night and most of the next morning nuts deep in some gorgeous Chinee girls while I'm stuck with a rabid Aussie called Skippy  arguing with me about why Ramsey Street is better than Coronation Street and eating all my Jaffa Cakes, beacause "You're a great leader and we all look up to you"....yeah, right.

 

I'll put my GENESIS LIVE OVER EUROPE dvd on - if he talks through THAT, the bastard's going out of my window - and I'm on the 11th floor!!