When I was in God-know's where earlier this week, the local chaps obviously noticed I'd lost a stone in a day despite eating 26 'Snickers' bars and asked 'Do you like Indians Mr **** (insert my first name here)?" - meaning they'd found an Indian restaurant near our hotel. I drooled like a rabid dog and soon we were in 'The Little India' and for once, I took control of the menu because the Chinese lads had never had such food before. When the popadums came, they were dumstruck and started taking photos - "What do we do, Mr ****?"
The warning signs were there because the mint yogurt dressing blew my bloody head off, but the boys liked them...
They were nervous and asked "Just for rice" but I ordered the British standard - chicken tikka masalla (from 'Beartown Spice' in Congleton, it's as heavenly as smearing massage oil over a womans back) for us all, along with 3 'Kingfisher' beers - it would be rude not to : like fish n chips without salt & vinegar, that back massage without getting to her bottom cheeks in less than 5 minutes...
Well, it was like eating sulphuric acid and lighter fluid - so hot I gulped the Kingfisher down in record time....and I can't drink a lot without going stupid...
The boys loved it because they are used to eating food laced with chillies and spices designed to mask the fact you're eating rat, dog or drowned pig...and loved watching me get dafter and more red-faced by the second...
And the nan bread? Again, they were flummoxed and I had to pose ripping it to bits while they snaped away - I felt like one of those fishermen stood next to a giant shark I'd just caught...
I drank far too much beer (which was crap - either fake beer or just OFF beer) and went back feeling ill, cheated & stupid...I threw up then ate the last two 'Snickers' before going to bed...
Walking to the office each morning, we sometimes buy 'dumplings' from a lovely lady and her daughter who make them & steam them. They are so cheery, and love to help themselves to the shrapnel in our wallets, that we would otherwise give to the begger who has no arms & no legs. They are 12.5p each (the dumplings, not the beggers)....I won't eat the dead rat / dog / waterlogged pig ones, but I can eat the ones filled with grass. Just...
I couldn't resist taking the photo of a store cupboard just near my desk...it's like a sweet shop - full of goodies and organised like a store cupboard back in the UK would be...before the H&S boys closed it down as a fire risk. I love to look inside when someone opens it. It's like my garage back home - full of shite!!! Memories!!!
Finally....last night my pal was 'frustrated' because his planned evening of watching "a DVD of a certain nature" was foiled when his DVD player wouldn't play it (downloaded - nowt to do with me, you understand!)....and so today ordered a new player from the equivalent of Amazon....I ordered a mat to go under my drumkit to stop it sliding when I bang of a different nature....we ordered them at 11am (on MY bloody account!) and by 3pm, they were delivered to the office. Incredible. Well, not ALL the items came....just his bloody DVD player and the cable!!! Thus, he'll be watching a couple of 'films' tonight and banging away while I sit and look at the drumkit that moves across my apartment floor as I bang...while he....oh shit....you know what I'm saying, don't you?!!! Life is just SO unfair!!!!
It's Friday. I used to LOVE Friday nights.
Whatever happened to TFI Friday?
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