Early start this morning, and now in...(I'm looking around my hotel room to find out where I am...)...oh yes, Kaifeng. Been here before - I remember each place by the hotel (if it makes me randy - this one does) and the food (no "Famous restaurant" that serves cold dogs testicles with boiled budgerigar here), although when I got off the plane, I did here the word 'famous' when the heat hit me - WOW, it's HOT...
Anyway, back to the airport...I was laughing when a queue started to form at the gate, when the plane ARRIVED outside - these dimwits never seem to think "273 people need to get off first, the cleaning team need to clear up all the mess they left (they leave a lot) and then the crew need to get on etc...it'll be at least 30 minutes before we REALLY need to start pushing & shoving" - and also note how the queue blocks the way for anyone wanting to get past to other gates? They have NO concept of a decent, organised queue...hell, Lord knows what would happen if the plane crashed...the news report would say "autopsy reports into last week's China air crash reveal 10 people died on impact, 26o died in the stampede to get off, and the 3 who DID survive...well, they were eaten by the sharks & crocodiles"
I swear I'll never use China Southern again...they never feed me, even on a 1-and-a-half hour flight - we got a carton of what turned out to be cold tea, a packet of biscuits and a wipe. What's that for? Dessert? Jeez - it's hardly to wipe the drool from the corner of my mouth as I devour the tasty feast set before me, is it? I was SO hungry, I did wonder if it tasted as nice as it smelled.
High up in the heavens, I had my usual chat with the Gods of Asgard (as I call them) and assorted friends / relatives who live up there...they gave me strength to carry on - "Don't give up on your quest for the Holy Grail...that's what we brought you here!" but no sooner had I wiped away a tear than we were getting ready to land, and i braced myself for the next stampede - true to form, the plane had barely touched down and the great unwashed were up, fighting to get their luggage & bags of shopping, 'famous' meat & fruit - the tons of shite this lot always bring on a plane...no wonder the poor stewards struggle to fit it all in. On my last trip back home (British Airways, of course) - the staff went BERSERK and shouted at them to sit down! Well done BA!!
Parker picked me up to take us to lunch (edible - local place where I got to choose my own breed of 'meat') and again the massive amount of construction going on everywhere hit me. Yes, it's generating work & money (internally) short term, but I do wonder who is gonna live / rent all the residential and commercial property they are building. The heat really is intense, but being a British gentleman, representing all that is great about England (Scots & Welsh don't wanna be part, so they can't have it both ways) I always keep my suit jacket on, and my tie firmly done up. Jeez, the sweat was POURING down my back (I don't smell) and I'm sure the jabbering meant "Why is he wearing his suit?" with my local team answering "For God's sake don't ask...or else he'll go on about being British, the BBC, Douglas Bader and how his official Chinese name on his visa is 007 (it is)"
So after a brief meeting, I'm in my hotel, meeting my team at 7.30 for tea. They know what I like to eat, and as the business we're visiting hasn't insisted on taking us somewhere "famous" to eat a "famous" plate of shite, the boys have been nervously researching for days to find somewhere that won't have us diverting the taxi to find a wholesaler still open to sell me 340 SNICKERS bars...I always scoff the lot, save for half a bar...
Just time for a shower...
Oh - and the hotel DOES make me horny...even the chair on the balcony has possibilities...
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