The Lord alone knows where I am this week - there was a lot of re-arranging of stuff, flights changing etc, and I soon lost interest in it all and just turned up at the airport this morning and shoved my passport number into the ticket machine. Serves me right for not showing more interest - I was 5 hours early for a midday flight, although the name on the ticket next to 'Destination' meant absolutely nothing to me, and still doesn't even though I'm sat in a hotel in the place now, typing this...
As we flew in to land, I noticed a large estuary, so guessed I was somewhere near the coast - what a Sherlock I am, as - sure as eggs is eggs and shite is shite, my hosts took me to a seafood restaurant tonight. They speak a completely different dialect to 'normal' Chinese here, so even my translator struggled, which can be fun when eating...
As the food came, he recognised me muttering "What the f***?........." and phones were being passed around, with the locals translating words via the internet into Chinese, then he into English - the phrase "Lost in translation" could never be more appropriate...
After the first word came out as 'Meat Gristle' I thought it wise to adopt my 'Best Not To Know' approach...(see photos)
My man - in his standard attempt to appease me and not make a scene - said "It is fresh from the water today sir!" - although remembering coming into bounce onto the runway, I recalled the water was rather manky-looking with lots of very large rusty old boats rotting away and large coloured oil patterns on the surface...
I'd swear one of the fish dishes had 3 heads but only one body & tail on it, so I suspected the poor thing as born deformed due to some atomic waste being dumped in the water, and something else looked like it must have surely come via Loch Ness....
I was proudly shown around the kitchen and 'prep' area, which was like a small slaughterhouse, with a mad looking woman battering fish to death as orders came in, and,shit, there were even snakes in a cage (19 quid a go - choose which one you want to eat before it was beheaded on your behalf)... and I was fascinated by the man stood on one of the cookers seemingly spraying cleaning stuff around and trying to fix a ventilator by bashing it with a meat cleaver...
Luckily, I noticed a TESCO close to my hotel - first I've seen over here....possible sanctuary....
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