And now for.....Americans......

I'm back in Xi'an this week, home of the famous Teraccotta Army. Problem is, these stunning relics are famous enough to attract lots of tourists - particulalrly Americans, who once again took up a large % of the plane this morning. Well, it SEEMED like there were a lot of them - as always, they make a disproportionate amount of noise & fuss, again clapping each other on like Donny Osmond had just walked into economy class...

Another shouted "I got COFFEEEEEEEEEE!" like she'd just discovered a cure for cancer or announced the first manned landing on the surface of the sun. Big deal - so she managed to walk from Costa all the way to gate 54, get onto the God-awful bus, survive the g-forces as it swings around assorted 747's on the way to our shitty little thing, then climb up the steps with her bording pass between her teeth before handing the stuff out like Jesus throwing loaves & fishes to the great unwashed, chunnering because the Rolling Stones had been refused entry to Jerusalem...

They refuse to sit down (see photo) and make out they own the whole plane, and put loads of shite by their feet because they think their plastic gnome gifts will be stolen if they put them in the overhead bins - not that there would be any room, because the Chinese fill them with a case, backpack, laptop bag, 2 bags of shopping, a box of bananas and one full of dog meat - EACH. The fat cow next to me refused to turn off her ipad on take off ("no Chinese girl gonna tell ME what to do!!") so it occured to me if her watching an old episode of THE GOLDEN GIRLS interferred with the captains controls, and we crashed on take off, I'd probably trip up over her shopping as I scrambled over her massive burger-filled body in a desperate attempt to get to the emergency exit.

Immediately upon sitting down (taking up seat 27M and half of the ones either side, including mine) she produced an antiseptic wipe and totally (she thinks) disinfected the tray, arm rests and even the seatbelt (including the extension bit she needed to get around her gut).

I was amazed the bloody plane took off, although I'm sure it listed to one side for the full journey, with my plastic cup of orange juice regularly spilling onto my (comparatively germ-ridden) tray...

I fly back at the end of the week. Hopefully, the cowboys & burger-eaters will have stayed on for a weekend feast of buffalo or something...