An exciting Saturday night in Beijing...

It's 8.45pm on Saturday night....and after a thrilling (albeit short) time ironing (boredom soon set in) I'm now typing this. The telly doesn't work and I can't even be arsed to go out to get a meal. Bought some bread & butter (one has standards) from the shop downstairs and having toast and a brew (yes, milk tastes like drinking a melted cushion).

 

Last night, I met a couple of chums for dinner & beer (to be frank) and I was outvoted for the food choice so ate some Arabic shite. Assorted slop that one dips one bread in (unhygienic - sharing the same plate) but the chicken & lamb that followed was ok. I'm sure the chips were really genuine. I could have been in Palestine. But I wasn't. Praise be.

 

Then we went for another drink(s) and I started to get worried. I get daft after a couple of beers and I'd already had 3....and that includes tipping half the 3rd one into their glasses when they went to the loo. My local chum then insisted on talking us to a rooftop bar which gave u a fantastic view of the low-level smog, although I confess the ladies who were spending all their time being photographed with heir own iphones were a distraction. My pal gave me a cocktail that tasted of mint to drink and proudly tole me it was £9 a drink. More DANGER bells ringing in my head - these boys were on the prowl, and intended to get waisted (and laid) whatever the cost. My pal said "I've never failed here and you boys can't spoil my record tonight". At this point I told him I was way out of my depth on all 3 levels (ability to drink, ability / desire to pull women and ability to spend huge amounts of money on things I didn't want to do). Insisting I wasn't making a moral judgement or being a killjoy (I genuinely wished them good luck and hoped they would provide photographic evidence of their adventures) I left them to it. Christ, I hadn't a clue where I was or even what direction to go to get home. But a kind taxi driver helped me out in return for the entire contents of my wallet (had he driven any faster, this would have been supplemented by the contents of my stomach).

 

I was home by 10pm.

 

They got home at 5.18am the next morning (I got a very garbled text). As for their adventures - "What happens in Beijing stays in Beijing" (except when it happens to me in which case I bloody tell the world). But I'm a good boy o get 10 out of ten and a gold star for being good & sticking to my principles.

 

Today we (eventually) set off to some sort of outlet place that was like Cheshire Oaks but smaller and with vastly fewer people in it. But it also had some trees - this wouldn't happen at Cheshire Oaks because a tree would take up the space of a car parking space which would equal (complex calculation of car parking space x utilization turn x average spend per visit x days open per year) Sadly, the smog was so bad there was a mist that obscured one shop from another, and I'm told that when I return to Cheshire, the fresh air will make me feel like Julie Andrews running over the hills.

 

On the way back to the fake market (more our style / spending pattern) the heavens opened - it wasn't God saying "well done for last night", but the rain started to pour like I've never seen in all my life. The sky was as dark as night (I'm not exaggerating at all) and with the smog added in, we couldn't see a thing. All the traffic stopped (thank God) and we sat there....the entire road system (as wide as 3 lane motorways) at a standstill. Under bridges, people got out to chat, smoke & urinate. After some considerable time we limped back to somewhere near home before pulling up by a coffee shop and spent 2 more hours waiting for it all to stop. Only now is it calming (still lightning, though) and as we ran into the apartment, my feet were totally submerged under water. Needless to say, all this is quite normal.

 

Thus, I can't be bothered to go out for anything to eat. My pal is sleeping off last night's adventures. I keep SKYPING home. I try to download music but my torrenting has mysteriously stopped working. The telly has gone off (just like SKY at home hen the weather is bad!) and so - frankly - I'm bored.

 

I'll just check my mobile is working in case I've missed a text....and that the email is still working....and SKYPE hasn't disconnected.

 

The world is a big place, but sometimes it feels VERY big.....