At last!! I've found a way to get back home!!!
It's no secret I'm only out here for the cash (what other POSSIBLE reason could I have?) and getting a similar salary back in the UK may just be a teeny weeny obsticle hindering my return...but with the news Sir Alex Ferguson is retiring as Manchester United boss - there's my ticket back home!!
I've emailed the Man U owners...well, the switchboard wouldn't put me through, so I spoke to Rashide in the gift shop who told me he'd pass my mail on "...the next time I bump into a director in the bog"
I outlined my plan for the team (see photo), starting with a strict diet regime - one I've been on over here since discovering a pie shop nearby...every Saturday (and sometimes Sunday, too I admit) I go there for the daily 'special' pie, mash, peas & gravy. Sometimes, I even have two lots - one full meal then another when I've finished the first (so the second is still hot - very important!)...the staff stand in amazement...that's why us Brits are so much 'bigger' than the Chinese guys. Try a Chinese condom for size and you'll see why they are fascinated!!
Anyway, my plan would include feeding the first team on pies every Saturday just before kick off....I think the energy that stodge & pastry would give is like starting the season witha 10-point lead!!! Rooney would be well up for it I reckon!
Fergy doesn't live far from me (back in the UK)...I bet he's even been in the same chippy...I'll keep an eye open for him when I come home for a few days in a couple of weeks...
That was the first bit of news when I flew back to Beijing earlier today...my son called me (while I was sat on the loo, if I'm honest - I never use plane or airport toilets...they SMELL international!!)....the plane was only half full (although one dork sat next to me until his brain finally said "Oh - I could sit on my own if I moved 4 feet to the left!")....but one guy took the biscuit by lying across several seats....and that was during take off!! As soon as the stewardesses had strapped in, he lay down for a kip!! They didn't half shout (well, jibber jabber) at him when they tried to get him to put a belt on because of turbulence later!
Earlier,as I was going through security, I had to smile at the warning sign that again lost a little in translation..."Passengers concealing or taking guns, bullets, flammable and explosive materials and restricted cutting tools will be bore with legal charge". Maybe they should also add "Will terrorists please own up to security guards and save a load of mither later on the plane"...
Reading the English-'speaking' newspaper (translated into 6-year old speak that is) I chuckled at the photo of the car (above)....seems a large car-park was being redeveloped into a shopping centre but the owner of one car left there could not be traced....
Ah well...kettle has boiled...
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