It's been really warm here the last week or so...shorts weather really, but it's almost as if no-one wants to be the first to do it!! ("Look at that knob there with his shorts on - anyone would think it's bloody summer!")
The trees have started to get really green and down by the river is lovely....ah....hold my hand....
Last weekend, on my way for my Saturday pie treat, I stood and watched the guys who 'guard' the embassey's change 'shift' - not quite the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, and they aren't at all scary, like a gang of Milky Bar Kids...but I love watching two of them hold up little torch-things to stop the traffic - they feel WELL important! Bet they have to be a guard for 5 years before they can hold the battery-operated totch baton!! Poor lads stand on boxes outside all night...I think If I shouted "BOO!" they'd crap their pants!! With a box of bangers & a lot of shouting, I reckon they'd run for cover and I'd soon be in to seize control of the ambassador's wife and get my massage oil out....woof!
I'm in Foshan at the moment, which is an hour's drive from Guangzhou....which is nearly in Hong Kong!! Right "darn sarf" and a good 3 hour's flight on a double-decker bus-plane. Its odd - I often fly the equivalent of going from Manchester to Spain for a day & think nothing of it now....and it shows how big China is!! The flight was chaos - like a Variety Club Sunshine Coach had tipped a load off, along with a busload on a SAGA holiday...read all about it in 'The Chron' this week. I know so many of you gag for / on my column each week...
My hotel here is the tallest building in town - real terrorist stuff. The top floor (50th) is the restaurant and I was so looking forward to taking a panorama this morning but it was VERY smoggy...'official' figures on my fancy phone say its just 50 units of bad stuff (bollocks!) but back in Beijing it's 400 today!!! Lord help them there...
I was told breakfast there was great - quite European, in fact that's the only reason I agreed to come. It was good (no-where near as good as 'Room at the Top' in Congleton!) and even split the (dead / drowned pig) bacon 'crispy' and 'soft' with those little signs they love to label everything up with, like in Spanish hotels ("MEAT"). Even had a mound of dolphinoise potatoes! Odd, but it would be rude to refuse...
Good job I filled my face because lunch here was crap - and they keep giving me plates of tomatoes to nibble on throughout the day...I think I upset them within minutes of arriving because they admitted they lost a pile of money last year and before I'd even taken my coat off, I muttered "I can see why - the place is far too big - it'll never make money!"...I think my translator added "you tossers!" to that, because I didn't get invited to a "famous" restaurant last night, although the place we went to on our own was 'famous' because Chairman Meeow had eaten there once....I"ve heard THAT story SO many times before....he must really like his food!!
The boys have promised to take me to an Indian tonight, so I'm well horned up for that....bet it's famous for being too bloody hot or serving rat...
Flying 'home' tomorrow...
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