Another case of "I should have listened to my dad" (although on the basis my kids totally ignore everything I say, I shouldn't feel so bad)...
Storage space in my Penthouse is limited - waterbeds, chains and dungeons everywhere, but no bloody wardrobes....so I decided to buy a spare portable clothes rail thing, if only to hang my coats up etc, in the spare bedroom. Ordering anything online here is a challenge, not least because the websites are all in Chinese (I am IN China, afterall, so shouldn't moan too much) so I got "Fat-Arse" in the office to do it for me - she does feck all else...
After much jabbering and pointing, she ordered me the monstrosity you see above...the photos of it in someone's living room ("FURNITURE!") obviously appealed to her, and she was well impressed you could put a baby on it, if only for a few seconds before the poor bastard plumetted head-first onto a concrete floor. Imagine those adverts being used in the UK? No way!
Anyway, for 8 quid, including delivery from the other end of China, I was game for a laugh, and it arrived in my office the next day. Amazon would charge that much just for next day delivery in the UK!!
The box was worryingly small, and I was convinced she'd ordered a book or something instead, but at least it would give me something to do that evening, so armed with a cup of PG (I felt like a bloody chimp!) I set about my task.
The instructions were all in Chinese (ditto) but - having a brain the size of a planet, or at least a elephant's testicle - I worked most of it out, except for the cover - once partly erected, I had to slide it over the top, like a woman sliding into a tight dress over her head. Sadly, I got it wrong, and as you will see from the photo, the bloody door opened the wrong way, so I'd put it on upside down. It had to come off, which meant taking most of the contraption apart.
I was playing a live 'Police' concert CD while I was doing all this, and I've just checked - it was 79 minutes long....and had long since stopped by the time I finished. A pal who was taking the pi$$ with texts, demanding progress reports & photo's said as soon as I sent him a picture of the contents "I can see that being thrown out of a 12th floor window very soon - you've not the patience...wait till I can come and help" but after an hour (or two...and a half, including the de-assembling and subsequent re-building to get the bloody cover on the right way) I sent him one back with me stood triumphantly in front of it like a hunter in front of a dead elephant. I added the words "F*CK YOU"
I also sent a text & photo to Fat Arse and said "You wanna bring your baby round and do the test?" It's not strong enough to carry the weight of a budgerigar, let alone a fat Chinese baby.
But I was chuffed I'd done it all myself. I may well build a fully operational, life size model of a Boeing 747 next...or maybe not.
Having said all that, I admit it's total crap. Shite.
Makes Ikea stuff look dead good.
And it smells funny, so I walked to work today smelling of plastic and a Chinese 'furniture' warehouse.
But it passed an evening...
...and it WAS only 8 quid...
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