Putin & pukin'...

I often get on a plane on a Monday morning without a clue as to where I'm going...what does it matter?

 

This rather casual attitude sometimes backfires...I've gone right down south into sub-tropical temperatures and got off the plane in a coat designed for climbing Everest, with my hood up (lined with dead geese & rabbit)...or - as I have this week - gone so far north, I'm almost in Russia...

 

Indeed, I'm currently in Harbin, which in winter drops to -40 degrees (so my coat would be spot on) but is currently very warm. When I got into the car at the airport, I wondered why there were so many posters advertising 'Polar Bear World' - either the bears were fake (see earlier blogs about dogs being passed off as lions) or they were bloody hot (and the snow fake)...however, it seems that in winter they build an ice city here (the locals, not the polar bears) and the bears arrive, possibly on the same flight as me. My pal came last year, and it was so cold, his camera & lens froze up - cost him more than the flights....

 

...anyway...

 

It certainly FEELS like I'm in Russia...there are various flags dotted about & I wondered if they'd sneaked in here, too, Ukraine / Poland-like...if so, they threw up some Russian buildings even quicker than the Chinese do...

There's a wonderful outdoor atmosphere here, to be honest...lots of music in the street (eg a man with a violin playing "Save your kisses for me" - bizzare) although the grid lids being left up to let the steam & smell out are a bit dangerous, and everyone is very friendly, even if they do stare at me...

 

The food is 'challenging' - there's a sort of outdoor 'Christmas Market' near my hotel that serves 'all sorts' to eat - if I'm honest, I'm gagging for fish fingers, chips & beans. In the same way someone in an old film, lost in the desert, might hallucinate about an oasis full of water or cold beer (served by a topless girl with big boobs in my case), I've found myself thinking about pie, chips & gravy as well as those fishy fingers (also served by a topless waitress with big boobs)....

 

My exceptionally kind hosts took me to a restaurant last night which seemed to be popular with 'dribblers' - interbred types, who sort of rocked in their chairs and made a mess...like being in Buxton...our 'waitress' was closer to death than birth, and wobbled a lot on her feet...it's a good job the food is always barely warm, or if she'd have gone over, we could have been boiled & scarred for life. She had a lot of lipstick on, which look like it had been applied during a heavy earthquake - it covered her nose & cheeks as much as her lips...

 

It seems everyone gets a bowl of wallpaper paste to eat while looking at the menu, and I struggled to make an impression on it - just as well, because it was topped up like lightening if it was emptied. It reminded me of the scene in 'Oliver' where the starving kid asks for more gruel....I would happily have said "Here - have mine!!!!"

 

My hotel makes Fawlty Towers look modern....apparently it's 'famous' (everything always is) because Chairman Meeow stayed here once...I suspect they haven't changed the carpets or furniture since, in his honour...they are digging the road up outside, and working round the clock (ie all f*cking night) to get it done. I was delighted to see a very old 'Bell & Howell' film projector in a display case in reception - feck knows why it was there, but it was lovely to look at. I used to 'mess' with film and it brought back memories, before all this digital stuff took over and wrecked it all (Quentin Tarrantino agrees, and he's won oscars, admittedly for making shite, but oscars just the same)

 

Breakfast was 'challenging' but I managed to find some bread, and an ancient 'toaster' recovered from some archeological cave diggings in which to 'toast' the stuff. F*ck butter....not even worth thinking about. I asked for a bowl for my fruit, but after curving my hands - bowl shaped - for several minutes, muttered the inevitable words "Oh, f*ck it - I'll do without!"

 

As I type this at 9:30pm, the night shift have arrived outside and are digging and shouting with renewed vigour....