Lemon Puff biscuits - my quest is at an end (5,000 miles later)

When I was a kid & visited my nan, she'd always get out her old-fashioned biscuit barrel. It contained 2 types of biscuit - I think one was called 'Arrow Root', which were very plain & boring, but also 'Lemon Puffs' - which were were two layers of flaky, sticky puff biscuit with lemon in between. I recall them vividly, and always associated them with 'nanna'.

 

I've tried to find them on several occasions when I've been in charge of getting the biscuits on a  visit to Tesco's with Mrs G - she knows I never stick to the list & buy all sorts of stuff we don't need or want, so her theory is if I'm only trusted with getting the biscuits, at least they don't cost much, even if I fill the trolly.

 

However - incredibly - when shopping here in Beijing the other night,  I wanted some biscuits & crisps & stuff, but it's hard to know what to buy here - English stuff costs a bomb - although, no matter what the cost, I always buy Lurpak and proper Cheerio's - some things just can't be compromised. I didn't fancy the local biscuits - I feared they would be one step removed from dog biscuits and I'd end up eating 'SHAPES' or 'BONIO' . But as I browsed - there they were. Funny how I've had to travel half way around the world to find an old-fashioned biscuit an elderly lady used to buy me some 30+ years ago back in Britain. I rushed home, put the kettle on, and enjoyed most of the packet. For you, nan - wherever you are. XX

 

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Last night, I was persuaded to go into town with some of the guys from the office. If we were politicians, it would be a recipe for disaster - 2 Germans, 1 Aussie, 1 Scotsman, 1 Indian & me. Even Hillary Clinton & Kofi Annan wouldn't fancy sorting that lot out, and war would be inevitable. It wasn't so bad until a couple of them turned up (I'll not say who - I'm a bit sensitive about how many people are reading this blog & which country they are in) and although the rest of us were quite happy where we were, they decided it was 'dull' and dragged us off. Mercifully, it allowed me to pop into the DVD shop (it's like passing a ladies underwear shop to me - I'm drawn in like a magnet) but when I caught up with them.....

 

They were oggling at two girls wriggling around on a pole. Believe me, the girls looked totally bored- talk bout going through the motions. I've been here 6 weeks now, and I'm gagging, but these two were as sexual as 2 tortoises in hibernation. I sat with my back to them (cue from one of my gang - "Are you gay?") and when they went off for a break, 3 'singers' came on, with the stage presence & dynamism of Emily Bishop from 'Coronation Street'. Beer was £8 a bottle, no doubt to 'fund' the 'entertainment'. Jeez - taking some pensioners to Bingo on a Sunshine Variety Club coach would have been more interesting.

 

So I feigned stomach pains (my guts have been off since I ate several dogs and budgies in Mongolia), made my excuses and went home, which is a 25 minute walk. Along the way, I was 'approached' on 5 occasions by 'women' saying "you want lady?".....two were half decent, the other three proper moose's . MILF? No way - these were MILS - 'Mothers I'd like to shoot'.

 

All in all, a depressing evening. I went into my apartment, made a brew, had a Lemon Puff and pondered.....am I getting old? Am I boring? Or am I just a decent bloke with some sort of standards?

 

I always say "you are what you are" - so if we are made with a big arse & some way of the ideal target weight (women) or have a big belly& very little hair (men) - that's the way God intended, and we should be happy with who we are, so long as we are decent inside.

 

I went to bed.

 

I woke up and - after a good night's sleep - decided that, on reflection, I'm happy just being me.