Feeling....fruity....

My chum has a girlfriend....he's a 40+ Scotsman....she's a 25 (just) local Chinese girl. Sweet thing.

 

The other day, she took us shopping - she loved pushing the trolley and telling us what to get, although all he kept saying was "beer" and all I kept saying was "Frosties", closely followed by muttering "God-forsaken place" under my breath. A good 50% of what I tried to buy was immediately removed - "NO, NO!" - Christ, it was like being at home....

 

She decided my half of the trolley - full of crisps, digestive biscuits (that taste like BONIO dog biscuits), Frosties (don't ask the price) and Cheerios (ditto) wasn't healthy, so started throwing fruit in. I like fruit, and Mr Delmonte and I have a good relationship, although M&S's Exotic fruit mix is my fave. Sadly, M&S have avoided China so far, so I have extra marmalade on my toast instead....

 

Anyway, she showed me a HUGE melon-type thing, and muttered (I think) "POMELO, POMELO!" , and my chum - who has rapidly been losing weight, partly because of the constant shagging with a girl almost half his age, and partly because she refuses to shag him if he eats crap, now eats like a pig at lunchtime with me, knowing that in the evening, he will be force fed bloody POMELO, just nodded and said "Actually, it's ok, but looks....er.....a bit.....funny....". She made me buy some too, but got a nice man with a very large, sharp knife to attack it and - eventually - remove, surgeon-like - the growth in the middle, to save me hurting myself by stabbing it with a can opener or asking Mrs G to send my chainsaw over.

 

It looks like a cross between a huge orange, deformed in size by radioactive smog, and a cancerous grapefruit, found miles beneath the earth's surface in a primitive world where dinosaurs still roam and girly cavewomen run around naked, chased by boy cavemen with long, hard spears.... 

 

Anyway, when I opened up the bag to taste some in the privacy of my own home....it somehow....well.....reminded me....well....

 

.....maybe it's just me, and it reminds you of just a large orange or grapefruit....but I can't help but think.....er.....

 

I've put my finger in the shot to give an idea of perspective.

 

Don't ask for it in Tesco....if you try to describe it.....

 

But, having eaten it, I confirm it tasted very nice.....