Wasn't there a BLACK ADDER series called 'Back & Forth'?
I've criss-crossed the world over the last couple of weeks - Beijing to Istanbul (9.5 hours), Istanbul to Manchester (4.5 hours after 2.5 hours in the airport doing bog all except try to find a WIFI connection (there isn't))and then the reverse a couple of weeks later, although it's quicker going back because the plane has the wind up it's arse. I compliment Turkish Airlines again, who have replaced BA for all my flights since they charged me for being a pair of socks overweight - by comparison, that large case alone was 13KG overweight (full of genuine fake shit for presents) and the same coming back (tins of soup and FROSTIES) - no charge with TA....sorry BA, your stewardess' have lovely bumps & bums, but that would have cost me a fortune (with would equate to prostitution if I paid it?)
I had a lovely welcome back home - the dog had a stupid coat on, and a red ribbon in his collar which my son said made him look 'gay' and kept taking it off. His name (the dog, not my son) is OZZIE - The Dog of Darkness (think about it...Ozzie Osbourne?)and if I say "GODZILLA!" he jumps up at me, and I play King Kong, he's Godzilla and we have a fight, destroying Tokyo, like in the old films. Great stuff. There's a new version due out - bet it's not a bloke in a suit, and bet it's shite...
I enjoyed banging...my drums ("It's been a long, long time....")and jamming with my son ('Kashmir'!) and fish & chips - and a proper fire. Simple things.
Mind, half my Xmas was spent in bed (no...) - the bastard I sat next to on the first leg of my journey home was spluttering more than Michael Shumacher's car (or Michael Shumacher!)- it was inevitable I'd catch his germs. Stuff economy / 1st class, lets have a GERM FREE class, where passengers have to take a full medical before they get on, with a big stamp on their heads (men)or on their chests (women)to prove they aren't carrying foot & mouth or SARS. The guy must have had EVERY disease known to mankind - except piles, thankfully - because even the chemist wouldn't let me in...through a crack in the door, he shouted "Drink paraffin and then swallow a burning match" which I thought a tad harsh...I really did feel crap, and on Xmas day would willingly have swapped places with the turkey/eagle-beast to die nice & warm in the oven...
Before I knew it, my time was up, I didn't see half the people I wanted to see and I was back at the airport - I hate goodbyes...
I got back on the Sunday afternoon & before unpacking (or a brew), it was off to the ticket office to get train tickets for my journey the next day - feck knows where I've been (someone had written it down for me), and after 3 days in Lord-knows-where, I'm back in BJ.The fecking heating still doesn't work, so I've just savaged the poor girl who looks after my apartment stuff, and expect the heating 'engineer' (I use the term loosely) to turn up (terrified) any moment. Bastards.
The train was very fast, by the way - just under 190 mph, which makes the UK things feel like Thomas the Tank Engine & his mate Sammy the Shunter...just like being on a plane, the bastards take FAR too much luggage on - look at the photo : one guy seemed to have his entire worldly possessions with him...
My taxi driver from the station today put a smile on my face - I tell them to take me to the US Embassy (it's near where I live) and then 'guide them in'- so they often assume I'm American ("NO I AM NOT!!!") but this guy said "I have CD!" and slipped in a disc, and he cranked it up to 11 as a Chinese rap version of Queen's 'We will rock you' blasted out...I love my music loud (although ideally without the shitty speakers distorting) and we were soon doing the drum beat together (he was hopelessly out of time but it's the thought that counts) and I felt like I'd made a friend. Next up was Celine Dion who MURDERED Neillson's 'Without You' and then came The Carpenters with 'Only Yesterday', the lyrics of both with seemed strangely appropriate...although listening to the two voices back to back, the words 'crass' (former) and 'class' (latter) sprung to mind. The world misses Karen Carpenter.
And I already miss home...
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